When my child says “no” it makes me want to roll my eyes, turn my stomach, clench my fists, and wonder when the day is going to be over. Why does this tiny two sound word make me have such a huge emotional reaction? Ever hear about the size of the problem? Well this word is so small it doesn’t justify the size of my reaction to it. My last post discussed that we should think about the word “no” as being part of communication.
However, what should we do when our child is protesting and saying ”no”? Here are some ideas:
1. Acknowledge his or her feelings. This allows your child to know you are empathetic and understand what they are going through. (“I know you are mad, you are allowed to be mad”). Then add the why to explain the reason you are asking them to do whatever they are protesting. (“but we have to buckle your seatbelt to keep you safe so you don’t get hurt”).
2. Use statements instead of questions. By asking questions we open our self up and give our children the opportunity to say “no”. By using statements the child does not have the option to say “no” in the first place. (“We are going to eat peas for dinner.” instead of “Do you want peas for dinner?”)
3. Change your question to choices. Providing choices to a child lets the child feel in control of the situation and helps to avoid a battle. (“Do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue shirt”)
4. Use vocal inflections and facial expressions to break the tension to make your demand into a little game. (you: “We are going to school” child: “no” you: singing “yes yes yes, school is fun today, you get to slide today!”
5. Finally decide if the situation is the battle you want to pick for the day. As parents there are many opportunities in the day where our child wants to take over the situation and show control. If this situation does not impact the child’s health or safety you may back off, respect your child’s choice, and let them do what they want. Sometimes it is healthy for you and your child’s relationship to back down from an argument. It will also teach your child to be flexible.