I love texting back and forth throughout the day or week with all of my mommy friends. It is our way to celebrate the little things, get advice, or just vent. A few weeks ago the text went something like this:
Friend: “Andrew learned the word “no” today!”
Me: “uh oh”
Friend: “This day is never going to end!”
The mom in me cringes when I hear the word “no”. I think back and wonder what happened to my sweet little girl. However, the speech language pathologist in me rejoices and cheers when a child or client begins to use this word!
When a child says “no” they are using a communicative function called protesting. Other communicative functions include: requesting, commenting, seeking attention, asking or answering questions, and sharing information. While evaluating a client I look to find out which communicative functions is the client using, and which ones are missing. This will help me determine what goals to target with the client.
So why does the word “no” make me jump up and down in the therapy room?
1. Using the word “no” demonstrates that the child has an idea of what he wants. Without the idea there will be no language. If I hear the word “no” or even a gesture of “no” at least the child is communicating what they do not want. This allows us to offer choices and figure out what they do want or what idea they have in their head.
2. The word “no” keeps the back and forths or circles of communication going. Before leaning the word “no” if I brought out something that they did not want to do my client just got up, walked away, or fled the room. When the child uses the word “no” instead of ending the conversation it allows me to respond and open up the conversation again. Saying “no” is powerful and keeps the child attended. This provides me the opportunity to give them a new choice. For example if I offer the child a puzzle and they say “no” then I can offer the child a choice of cars or play doh instead. If they say “no” again even better we get another back and forth!
3. Saying “no” is the beginning of negotiation. Negotiation is a skill that we use throughout life. When a child says “no”, increase the back and forths by negotiating. For example, “first we will do the puzzle and then we will play cars”, or “lets do 3 pieces of the puzzle then 3 cars”. Not only will this help the back and forth communication continue but it will also increase the child’s social skills. Whether we are playing with a sibling, playing on the playground, buying a house, or doing business it is important to develop and master the act of negotiating.
So what should you do if your child says no? Next week I will discuss some ways to communicate with your child when he or she says “No”.
Hopefully, the next time my child says “no” to me I can stop, take a deep breath, put on my speech language therapy hat, and appreciate the communication opportunity.